Book Recommendation: Start With Why by Simon Sinek

If you’ve ever felt overwhelmed by work, commitments, or even your own expectations, you’re not alone. In today’s fast-paced world, it’s easy to get caught up in the “what” and the “how” of our lives—our endless to-do lists, the constant demands, and the expectations we set for ourselves. Heck, we may even be working within an org structure that that leads with “what” and “how” and expects those in the organization to follow suit. But what know is that this strategy leads to stress, anxiety, and potentially burnout. Instead, we need to pause to ask the bigger question: why?

Simon Sinek’s Start With Why offers a framework that can not only transform how we approach our careers and businesses but also help us manage stress more effectively. While the book was first published in 2009 (and yes, some of the examples are dated), its core principles are as valuable today as ever. Let’s explore three key takeaways from the book and how they can help you regain control over your stress:

Find Your “Why” to Align and Reduce Overwhelm

At the heart of Start With Why is the idea that clarity of purpose - knowing why you do what you do - can help align your actions and reduce the chaos in your life. Sinek argues that most people and organizations focus on what they do and how they do it, but the most inspiring leaders and successful ventures start with a clear “why.”

From a stress management perspective, this is a game changer. When you’re crystal clear on your purpose - whether it’s helping others, creating something meaningful, or achieving a personal goal - you can use that purpose as a filter. Tasks and commitments that don’t align with your “why” can be eliminated or deprioritized, freeing up your mental bandwidth and reducing stress.

Action Tip: Write down your personal “why.” Keep it visible—on your phone’s lock screen, your planner, or your workspace. When stress builds, revisit your “why” and ask: Does this situation align with my purpose?

Shift from “How” and “What” to “Why” to Build Resilience

Sinek introduces a concept call the Golden Circle - where you start with “why,” then “how,” and finally “what”. While this is a practical tool for for every day planning, it can also help reframe stressful situations. Often, stress arises because we’re so focused on how to solve a problem or what to do next that we lose sight of the bigger picture.

By shifting back to “why,” we create a resilience anchor. When you’re clear on your purpose, setbacks and challenges become easier to navigate because you see them as part of a larger journey rather than isolated frustrations. This mindset doesn’t eliminate stress (remember, we can’t totally eliminate stress, nor should we), but it can make it feel more manageable and less overwhelming.

Action Tip: The next time you hit a stressful roadblock, pause and ask yourself: Why am I doing this? Reconnecting with your core purpose can help you regain motivation and clarity. Personal example: I spent years working on applying for Italian citizenship. It took nearly 7 years to complete the process, and I often hit roadblocks as I worked to gather records. One day I thought: What is the point? This is a lot of work, and for what? Then I thought about how if I stayed on schedule, the timing was right that my son who was a minor at the time would also be granted Italian citizenship. THAT inspired me. THAT was my why. From that point forward, I still hit roadblocks but I no longer cared and the effort was worth it.

Accept That the World Has Changed - But the Core Principles Hold

Since this book was published over 15 years ago refrences to Gateway and Dell computers being relevant in the marketplace or even references to how Southwest Airlines does business feel a bit dated. However, the underlying message remains relevant: purpose drives engagement, resilience, and long-term success.

In terms of stress management, it’s helpful to recognize that while external circumstances (technology, economy, societal expectations) have evolved, our internal need for clarity and alignment remains unchanged. Sinek’s framework can serve as a reminder to focus on what truly matters, even amid today’s complexities.

Action Tip: Modernize the message. Reflect on your current reality - what’s changed in your work, personal life, or community? How can you apply the timeless principle of starting with “why” to today’s challenges?

Bonus Resource: Watch the TEDx Talk!

For a condensed, inspiring introduction to the concepts in Start With Why, check out Simon Sinek’s TEDx Talk, How Great Leaders Inspire Action. It’s a powerful complement to the book and a great way to reinforce the message in under 20 minutes. Watch here!

Final Thoughts: Let “Why” Be Your Stress Management Compass

In a world where a steady stream of stress seems inevitable, Start With Why invites us to pause and reconnect with our purpose. By aligning our actions with a clear “why,” we can reduce overwhelm, build resilience, and find greater meaning in our daily lives.

When we start with why, we start with clarity - and with clarity comes calm.